Turning Toward Yourself with Kindness: A Year-End Practice

As December settles in and the year draws to a close, many of us naturally begin to take stock of what we did, what we didn’t, what went well, and what we wish had gone differently. Each year, my husband and I independently write a “year in review” to help us capture what unfolded and how we’ve changed. It’s always interesting to compare notes afterward—what each of us remembers (or forgets) and where we both notice growth.

Without a clear intention, though, this kind of reflection can easily slip into self-critique. Many of us tend to measure our worth by productivity or perfection, so looking back can unintentionally activate shame or pressure.

But what if you approached reflection the same way you’d comfort a child learning something new—offering curiosity, gentleness, and grace? Or imagine a close friend being as hard on themselves as you can be on yourself. Could you use that same compassionate tone and direct it inward?

This season invites a shift toward self-compassion, the practice of treating ourselves with the same kindness we extend to others. Instead of asking, “Did I do enough?” or “Did I meet my goals?” we might try questions like:

• What did I learn?

• How did I grow?

• What moments mattered most?

Reflection framed this way doesn’t shrink us with shame—it strengthens us with self-understanding.

Self-compassion doesn’t dismiss mistakes or minimize challenges. It simply lets us meet those moments without self-punishment. And when kids and teens see adults model this softer, more balanced approach, it teaches them something powerful: we can be accountable and kind to ourselves at the same time.

How to Do a Year-End Reflection

There’s no single “right” way, but here are some steps to make the process manageable, grounded, and meaningful:

1. Create a quiet, intentional space.
Choose a time when you can be uninterrupted for about 45 minutes. Make it cozy—warm drink, comfortable blanket, soft lighting. Silence your notifications and let this time feel spacious.

2. Gather your materials.
A journal, pen, calendar, and photo album can help jog your memory and highlight moments you may have forgotten.

3. Start with a monthly “brain dump.”
Beginning in January, scroll through your calendar or photos and jot down anything notable or emotionally significant. Keep it simple and brief—just bullet points. Move month by month until you reach the present.

4. Zoom out and look for patterns.
When you view the year as a whole, do certain themes emerge? Were there ongoing challenges or areas of growth that stayed with you across multiple months? Notice emotional highs and lows without judging them.

5. Deepen the reflection.
Ask yourself questions that invite insight:

• What has changed for me this year?

• What have I learned—about myself, relationships, or life?

• What did I navigate or overcome?

• How do these experiences connect to my values?

6. Share with someone you trust.
Talking through your reflections with a partner or friend can bring new perspective. They may remember moments you overlooked—or point out growth you didn’t see in yourself.

As you wrap up the year, consider swapping rigid resolutions for thoughtful reflections. Or, if you enjoy setting intentions for the new year, let this reflection guide you toward goals that feel grounded, meaningful, and aligned with who you’re becoming.

So take a quiet walk, light a candle, or invite your child or teen to share what they learned this year—not just what they achieved. These conversations create connection, understanding, and warmth, even in the darkest month of the year.

You might be surprised by how much gentleness and clarity this practice brings into your winter.